KEVIN
WHITE 3-7-95
Far
away, on the other side of the solar system there is a planet half the size of
ours called Lubjaa. Like ours, this planet supports life.
The
atmosphere is made up of mainly helium. There is a very warm, quickly
evaporating ocean that fills the sky above the completely flat fields of grass
that stretch as far as the eye can see. This small planet was formed smooth.
These flat fields are populated by
Snedyett's.
Snedyett's
look kind of like horses made with weird insect proportions.
They
are mostly a beige-yellow-gold color. They are hairless. They do not speak, they
have no eyes. They have a form of low sonar capability that is
good for knowing when you are within five feet of another stumbling
Snedyett. Snedyett's have no ears.
They
are massive, weighing as much as three thousand pounds. Because their planet is
small, there isn't that much of a gravitational force. Snedyett's weigh more
like one hundred and twenty pounds when they are weighed on Lubjaa. I should
know, I do the weighing. My name is Steel Gray, and I am here to sell you some
of the cheapest quality meat you can buy, here to sell it to you for next to
nothing!
The
succulent meat of the Snedyett !! A healthy new source of white meat protein,
and its all natural!
Order
your (nitrogen-freeze stored for the long trip) Snedyett meat today!
This
was Fernando's first street score, he is eleven. His dad named him after
Fernando Valenzuela, the baseball player. His dad left
him and his mom when he was about six.
Fernando
has seen his father two times in the past six years, both times he came in the
house unexpected and drunk. Both times were on Christmas morning.
Fernando
could not tell you on which year those Christmas days fell. He could not tell
you much of anything. He is very slow.
One
might assume that he is a drug addict, he is not. The only reason he is not is
because he never has any money to do drugs. Occasionally he will sniff Toluene
with his low-life friends, his homies, but that’s about it.
Today
his mom cashed a social security check, got wasted and passed out. Now Fernando
has some money, and he is on the street copping.
His
homey Mark is helping him through it. Mark made the call and told him where to
wait, what kind of car to look for, what to say, everything. Mark gets to split
whatever Fernando gets. Fernando figures this is a fair enough deal.
Fernando
is going nowhere fast. He is like a snedyett, completely blind and blundering
along, sputtering, occasionally growling or farting. No obstacles, nothing to
run into except other people, and everyone is in the same situation.
Fernando
leans through the window of the metallic avocado green trans-am t-bird. He is
out in the street now, no longer lingering in the reasonably safety of the
trees. As the sun burns through the back of his head, through his hair, Fernando
feels a chill run up his spine.
He
looks at the other young Mexican behind the wheel of the car. He seems very
nervous. He is looking about quickly, his right hand is on the stick shift, left
hand on the wheel, twelve o-clock high. He is holding the clutch in. Mariachi
music is playing low on the radio. There is a comic book on the passenger seat,
it is printed with black ink only, on brown paper that looks like toilet paper.
The book is as thick as the yellow pages. It is folded open, on the page is a
small red rubber ball the size of a raison.
"Here son, take this bean to the
market! Get us a cow for that bean!
Now don't delay boy! Off you go! The young Mexican driving the car smiled after saying this. He
was still pointing at the red rubber bean on the comic book.
Fernando
looked at the bean and stammered something to the extent of "later"
and reached for the bean, “bringing his
right arm through the open window the suspect did reach into the vehicle and
retrieve the narcotics amounting to exhibit A. Your honor, in light of my
defendants clean record, and taking into consideration his age, I am asking that
he be assigned to the state division for youth correctional services until a
time set by the court has been.....”
"That's
a big no can do counsel, please be seated!" Judge Jimenez was in a bad
mood.
The
court appointed attorney for Fernando was Tracy Juarez. She is beautiful. Judge
Jimenez tells her so a lot. She left judge Jimenez's house the night before
without even taking a drink. She had come to a life changing decision, he got
pissed off beyond belief. He tore his house apart for three hours before finally
going down the street to the John Bull and picking up himself a homely
city-college-local bar hound. He fucked her and made lots of noise doing it.
Tracy
came back to Judge Jimenez's house on Rockingham around three am. She also had
been drinking, down the street at the Acapulco
on Bundy. She had came back to apologize, she felt a little lonely. When she got
to the house she immediately heard the judge yodeling. He was yodeling as loud
as he could. Some beer hall music was blasting through the stereo. She began to cry. She got back in her car
and drove off.
Now,
the next day, she is standing before him, wearing her glasses, dressed like a
lawyer. He looks like shit. His black robe is wildly crooked around his neck.
The recesses around his eyes look like black voids, small round sunglasses that
have been tattooed on to his face. He calls her up to his bench, leaning forward
as he does.
"You
fuckin bitch!" Judge Jimenez says softly, breathing into her ear. She
closes her eyes and begins to tremble, tears begin to pour from her eyes, she
starts crying hysterically. Fernando jumps up and over the large wooden desk in
front of him. He has his hands and feet shackled together.
In two
hops he makes it up to the bench. A bailiff near the jury stand raises his
shotgun.
In a
tremendous leap Fernando leaps clear up to the top of the judge's desk, the
Judge is shocked. Fernando kicks the Judge hard in the face and whips around.
"I
have loved you a life time" Fernando says to Tracy, staring her in the
face.
Tracy
just stares back. Then a shotgun blast rips into Fernando's legs, the judge's
face and shoulders, and the back of Tracy's head.
There
is a lot of screaming and running. It smells like gunpowder. The bailiff stands
there, his shotgun is aimed safely at the ground now,
"Oh
shit! SSHHHHIIITTTT!!! Fuck! Billy! You've really done it now! SHIT! He says in
disbelief.
Fernando
is laughing, the thick canvas jumpsuit shielded the blast perfectly, like it was
designed to do.
There
is a twenty minute recess as the judge and Miss Juarez go to clean up, Fernando
is put back behind the table by the bailiff, they are laughing and joking about
it, there appears to be no ill-feelings.
The
judge and Tracy reconcile in the men's room. They go into a stall and Tracy puts
her feet into two Macy's bags so that any security guards, making a visual sweep
under the stall doors, wouldn't see anything suspicious.
At one
point, when they are really far into it, this guy comes in and takes the stall
next to theirs. Tracy by this time doesn't care if anyone is listening and
starts to really howl. When she stops the old guy next to them slides a roll of
toilet paper under the stall wall.
"Here"
He says, "You might find this handy, ha
ha ha".
"You
, might need this!" She replies, kicking the roll back under with a bag.
"Dude!
That is the most fucked up voice I have ever heard! What is wrong with
you?!" The old man asks incredulously.
Thad
and Tina laughed as they dressed. They stumbled out of the stall and said
"good-bye" together at the door to the bathroom. They laughed all the
way back to the set.