(FREAKFEST! The Siren Music Festival Continued from Page 2.)



"Fight your way through the crowds of hipsters! Try not to be self-conscious! Try not to be intimidated by their level of hipness! Its coolest to not look cool! But only if you are not trying! You can’t try not to try!”

“Pass by the impromptu stages on the way with unknown open mic bands. Some are even better than the regular acts! Watch as he plays his guitar with an open container. It’s happening HERE! It’s happening NOW!”  


"Stop on the way to get a tattoo of your own! Or get a haircut like Oakley Munson of the Witnesses! Is his hair for REAL?! How old is this kid anyways?! If he can be in a band, so can you! Run away and join the circus!”


"It’s Fun for the whole family! Step right up! See the Siamese Mermaids or the Mexican Wolf-boys! Behold the anomalies crawling out of our gene pool!”




"The bands just keep marching in! Behold the Pattern!”

“Don’t resist the urge to throw your hands in the air! If you think you’re above it all try climbing the fence of the batting cage for a better view! But then you’ll miss out on the finer details like the hairy backs and stretch-marked cleavage!”



“Mingle about for a fresh perspective! Check out the person next to you and imagine what it is they do for a living! They are human just like you! And they think you are a freak too!”

"Were you born vertically challenged? No worries! Even staring at the back of head of the person in front of you is interesting fun! Pack yourself in with your fellow comrades! Feast your eyes on their beautiful blemishes and imperfections! The infected piercings and Pomade-gooked hair! The heat rashes or even the vestigial appendages!”