Abstract Geographical Language Mapping illuminates features of language transients that cannot be seen otherwise. Higher resolution of said transients, now possible with computerized translation and mapping software, can open a new window on adaptation and language syntax regulation. It can examine demographics on a microscopic scale and reveal the features of the environment that cause language transients. This article discusses the mapping of language distribution and syntax slippage between five major countries. The project was successful because it developed and used techniques appropriate to syntax slippage. Moreover, it evidences the need for language syntax regulations by eliminating transients caused by non-uniform language systems. Generating the Database A command line program in the Macintosh OS Terminal application, Rex 4.0, managed the database. It performs basic univariate and multivariate statistics and displayed the data in graphs. We selected Rex 4.0 because of its ability to export data graphs that are easily read by the standard CAD programs. Initially we found trouble using the Macintosh computer, but after waiting on hold with the information help desk for thirty minutes, we discovered that that machine was unplugged. After this, we were able to process the information. The database consisted of one record for each language group. We listed all of the important database fields in a table (Table 1).

Table 1: Database fields

Field name	Type	Contents
NO	integer	A unique number assigned to the language group
MAPA	text	The map or geographical table from which the language group and coordinates were taken
LOCALIDAD	text	Full name of the language group
LATDEG	numeric	Degrees of latitude of the language group, without fractions. North latitude is expressed as a positive number.
LATMIN	numeric	Minutes of latitude, with decimal fractions
LONDEG	numeric	Degrees of longitude, without fractions. West longitude is expressed as a negative number.
LONMIN	numeric	Minutes of longitude, with decimal fractions
ALT	numeric	Altitude in meters above sea level
LENGUA	text	Code for the dialects spoken in the geographic region
YMAP	numeric	Map coordinate calculated in kilometers south to north from map zero
XMAP	numeric	Map coordinate calculated in kilometers west to east from map zero

Language data was provided by bilingual surveyors, who were assigned to all major urban areas as well as remote villages. When entering coordinates, it is critical to consider that they are appropriate to the other data being entered for the points specified. One must collect data coordinates from single families and other times from complete villages, such as the Yannen village, where each villager must speak a different part of speech, requiring an entire village to participate in any conversation. This process (in translation) is called whole speak. In Vector-based CAD programs one can specify areas by the dark lines that surround them. Getting the Information on Languages Since western cultures have popularized the acquiring of social and cultural data, this project was easier to do than the previous attempt by Doctor Jean Créatre, who mapped transients in the later part of the seventeenth century. We were able to tap into the resources of small religious groups, schools, community centers, libraries, universities, villages, and one gas station clerk in Birmingham. To obtain the language data necessary for this study, we had to hold repeated sessions with bilingual language experts and with the aid of a new translation throat box fastened to our necks, which translated the vibrations emitted from our speech to aid in our communication. Our language experts identified the settlements that were off the major travel routes and always traveled with us to ensure we were able to collect the most exact data possible. When feasible, data was entered directly into the database using a laptop computer; however, in some instances we had no access to power or sunlight and were forced to transcribe the information from our notes. On one occasion, we had to trade our paper to a local village chief in exchange for access to his village. We were forced to record the data in shorthand by tattooing the notes on Jim Severin, using a needle, berry juice, and ash. The notes covered his entire back and part of his upper thighs. We must note that Severin volunteered to be the notepad as his graduation date was approaching and he needed to complete this study in order to put the work on his academic curriculum vitae (CV). We then sorted that data into latitude and longitude so that all neighboring settlements appeared on the same page. Preliminary maps were produced by a laser printer connected to a field microcomputer to help the language experts locate contiguous settlements. Photocopied sections of 1:250,000 topographic maps were also used at times to help the teachers. However, due to the archaic nature of the copier in our lab, we were forced to outsource our printing needs to a local print shop called “Knotties.” Our language experts reliably identified languages spoken in 472 of the settlements contained in the database. This assisted in creating a map of language slippage that had a resolution at least ten times greater than any linguistic map of the region heretofore produced. The increase in resolution resulted from a fusion of new easily accessible sources of data, the language experts, and the rapid processing of the geographic data on field microcomputers. Entering the Language Information into the Database Our language data was coded in the LENGUA field in our database (Table 2). At first the database seemed to reject it. More than once an animated paperclip appeared in the corner of our computer screen. It asked if we were trying to write a letter. Doctor James Cantrell was at first amused by the animation but quickly became frustrated, as he could not make the character disappear. I should note that Dr. Cantrell was not familiar with “point and click” technology, and was simply trying to push the paper clip away with the use of his index finger. After he called “Dewy” from the tech support office, it became clear that I would have to process the data myself. I found that some of our language experts reported two or more languages spoken by students in a single school. This was the exact slippage we were trying to identify through our study. We called this phenomena “microslippage.” Microslippage occurs because of two or more languages spoken at a school due to two cultural groups in an area or due to multilingualism. Therefore, the LENGUA field contains codes for multiple languages. For example, the code "ASP" indicates that American English is mixed with Spanish. The mapping techniques do not require the codes to be in a particular order. We requested our language specialists to give only reliable information. When they were uncertain, we asked them to write about it in a journal that we then burned in an abandoned bomb shelter at the lab. When two or more language specialists gave contradictory data on a language, we examined the CVs of both candidates and listened to the candidate who had a degree from the more respected college such as Harvard or Oxford. In the event that they graduated from the same institution, we examined their publication history, and in one instance we had them write an essay responding to the question “Why do you want your findings to be published with our study?”

Table 2: Codes for the LENGUA field

Code	Language
AE	American English
C	Chinese
Q	Queen’s English
F	French
S	Swedish
ASP	American Spanish

On the first day of language mapping, we loaded the DXF file and the AUTOCAD program began reading it. The attempt was to map the transient properties of subject-verb understanding between geographical, social, and political boundaries. Using English (Fig 1.1) as the control language, we allowed the words to travel between China, England, France, Sweden, and back to America. Fig 1.1 WHEN KILLING KILL, THE KILLER MUST TAKE GREAT CAUTION. HIS MUSKET MUST BE THE PROPER MAKE WHILE MAKING THE KILL AS HE CAN DEPEND UPON THE MAKER FOR MAXIMUM FIREPOWER. HE MUST STALK THE PREY CAREFULLY AND WHILE THE STALKERS STALK HE MUST UNDERSTAND HOW HE IS STALKING. THIS IS TO SAY, WHILE ON THE HUNT HE MUST FIND HUNTING HIS FIRST PRIORITY, AS HE IS THE HUNTER. MUCH AS A JUMPER MUST CONSIDER THE JUMP BEFORE JUMPING, HE MUST PUT FORETHOUGHT INTO HIS WORK. The patterns of language codes began to appear on the computer screen. The location of the transient properties appeared at the lower left of the screen according to the AUTOCAD convention (Fig 1-2). Here, we could see the language boundary conventions need be established, so we began to draw them in by hand. Fig 1-2 We fed the AUTOCAD file back into another computer and had it translate the image into text (Fig 1-3). As we suspected, the syntax of the original message was greatly distorted by the boundaries. Fig 1-3 IN CASE OF MURDERS, ASSASSINATIONS MUST BE CAREFULLY CONSIDERED, THE MURDERS HAVE MURDERED. THE ONE RIFLE MUST NOT BE FITTING WHEN THE WORKS ARE KILLED BECAUSE THE PULLED GUNSHOTS OF THE FORCE PROTECTION CAN BE UNDER 198. THE CALM OF PRUDENCE IS TO FOLLOW PREY, IT IS NECESSARY TO UNDERSTAND HOW IT WENT FURTHER. AS I SAID, IT IS NECESSARY TO FIND A HUNT; THE FISHING WILL BE THE FIRST PRIORITY FOR THE HUNTER. EVEN AS A BODY OF THIS CLOTH, IT IS NECESSARY TO HOLD COUNTS BEFORE A JUMP, THAT PUTS ITSELF AS THE VISION OF ITS WORKS. It is the opinion of the Department of Language Uniformity that the Department of Education consider removing all language study other than that of the American English language out of the their curricula. Moreover, it is of our option that language clubs, language classes, study abroad programs, and non-American cooking classes be removed from schools in order to foster the Whole American Language Initiative Package developed by Soper East Corporation. In this language curriculum, alternate clubs and trips are suggested, such as the intercontinental study abroad programs. We also recommend phonemes be kept in a protected safe in the Arctic to protect their purity. As our study evidences, all language barriers generate slippage and meaning is thus lost. As American culture is our greatest export, we feel it pressing that American English be likewise imported to reduce syntax slippage in international communication. By controlling the Internet’s language, we stand a chance of correcting these language barriers and unifying the world through American English. We have begun correspondence with Washington regarding the Fair Use Communications bill and hope they will include this language study as part of their efforts to unify the language of the Internet.

duncan b barlow is the author of Super Cell Anemia. He is an assistant professor of English at the University of North Florida and runs Astrophil Press. He once attended Eric Olson's wedding where a cat with a bow tie was the bridesmaid.